Anonymous

In case you also check out my Not Writing blog, this post is in both places. I thought I'd just write it in one, but my thoughts shoved the poem I had in my head out, so this is all I can think about:

I was slapped in the face this morning. Not literally, but I'm stinging from it just the same.

And it's all my fault. And it's all because I haven't been writing.

For YEARS, ever since I took freshman composition, I've been in love with the idea of writing a play about Edward de Vere, seventeenth Earl of Oxford, whom I suspect wrote Shakespeare's plays. But over the past many years (too many to mention, believe me), I didn't write. I have tons of research for it, a huge collection of books on it, and I'd even made an outline of the major events so that I could someday write it.

Only now I don't have to. The movie is coming out in October, and it's calledAnonymous. I've missed my opportunity.

Fiction writing is one thing--sure, J.K. Rowling has made the one and only Harry Potter, and Tolkien's Lord of the Rings only happens once, but other fantastic characters can still lead beautiful lives on paper. I noticed, too, that yet ANOTHER production of The Three Musketeers is coming out. (How many versions are we going to get? The book is better than any of them.)

But Oxford's story should only happen once. I just hope it's done beautifully, that it is better than I can wish for, that people can see the irony, the tragedy, the poetry of the whole situation. Either way, whether it sucks or holds audiences spellbound, it's too late for me to write it. I've missed that chance because I haven't written it. Hell, I am probably still a decade away from having the skill to write it.

I love the story, though, so I will go to see it in October, hoping it's brilliant, but still feeling a bit compressed because I will never write it.

Writer's Block

I worked very hard this academic year. I taught twelve classes, four of them completely new, and I have worn out my grading hand pretty thoroughly. I thought when summer came that I would want nothing more than to write.

I guess I was wrong.

Over the past four weeks (yes, FOUR), I've managed to do dishes, play piano, do laundry, go shopping, sweep, and even vacuum more than write. I think I have spent more time cleaning out the cat box than I have writing. I have used every excuse there is, but the truth is, I've had a bit of a block.

For perhaps the third time in my life, I have writer's block.

It doesn't feel good. My stomach squirms, I spend far too much time playing free games on Yahoo, I eat more, I'm bored, and I feel pretty foolish.

I have done writing-related activities. I just finished going through my fourth resource for the Oxford play I'm planning (discussed in an earlier blog). But research isn't writing, and my doctorate is no indication that I love research. The books on Oxford so far--barring one--have been pretty lame, too, filled with assumed information in much the same way that biographies of Shakespeare are filled with assumptions. Every author is snide, too. The Stratfordians sneer at the likelihood of Oxford (or anyone else) authoring a single word of the plays, and the Oxfordians sniff back. It isn't pretty, it isn't nice. Furthermore, it isn't me. That's why I'm not writing a stuffy textbook expounding to the world the "truth" that I have "discovered." I make no assumptions about what the truth is in this case, mainly because until I die and go talk to all of these people myself, I won't know what really happened. (It kind of reminds me of faith--I can't fault someone's beliefs just because they don't coincide with mine, for I can't know that I'm right.)

Anyhow, while I'm slogging through the research, I'm not loving it, and it's causing me to avoid the computer, the books, everything to do with writing.

Solutions? I'd love it if you have some. I certainly don't want to start teaching in late September only to realize that I didn't write a word all summer.

I've decided to skip the research for a week. I can renew the books indefinitely (it's not like anyone else wants to read them), so they can be waiting when I actually want to "work" on writing. For now, I'm going to play. I'm going to plan out adventures, revise my novels until they are bright and shiny and ready for publication. And if I get in a rut, I won't let it last. I'll just switch gears and find something I want to write instead.

What do you do when you get stuck? How do you resolve writer's block?

Needing to Write

I did splendidly well on my weekly list. Only the hem of my dress needs to be sewn, and then it will be finished. Even better, all of the exercising I've done so far this week (after zumba this morning, I will have exercised a total of 17.5 hours!) have made it possible for the dress to fit me fantastically. I'll be wearing it July 4.

Only my "want-to" list wasn't quite completed, so I am taking some Oxford books with me to Mom's house for the 4th weekend, along with the piano books (thank goodness she now has a piano!) so that I can practice and keep the kids' lessons going. I'll be taking my computer, too, so I might even get to that ten-minute play.

I'm really itching to write, not edit. Perhaps in this coming week I'll need to put some actual generation on the docket. I'll likely sew something, too.

Because I'll be gone, though, I will likely not post again until Monday, or Tuesday at the latest. Happy fourth, you Americans, and I hope the rest of you enjoy laughing at us as we shoot off fireworks. Then it will be back to work on Tuesday for me. Oxford is waiting!

Now That's Progress!

Funny how just listing out a bunch of things online makes me work harder. Here is the list from yesterday, and the items in BOLD are those I have already FINISHED.

1. Select and order books for English 103: The Critical Essay (film criticism, I think)

2. Send syllabi to Colby Community College (the college lost previous files).

3. Finish the red dress I began in May (for July 4 weekend).

4. Help online student finish incomplete and turn in his grade.

5. Take up straps of swimsuit (too long).

6. Call girlfriends and buy tickets for midnight showing of Twilight film (unless it's too late to get tickets).

No, I'm not kidding. I pored through textbooks today, found the perfect one, and I've even ordered an instructor's copy. I am also likely two days away from the student's completion of the course.

Now all I need to do is sew. Yippee!

Oh, but wait a second. I had a second list. I have managed to work some on Oxford research, but it's going slowly. I fear the books will be overdue again very soon, but I'll just keep working on them.

On the bright side, my goal was to work out 1.5 hours/day minimum. Yesterday I managed 2.25 hours. And today I worked out for FOUR HOURS!!! Yes, that's right. I am a goddess!

Tomorrow? Cardio Kickboxing, more Oxford research, a bit of kid-tickling... Sky's the limit, as long as I can work in a nap in the afternoon. Otherwise I won't be able to stay up for the midnight showing of Twilight: Eclipse.

Got to Get Going!

Just about a week ago, I posted a list of things I need to get done. I am working on one of the bigger tasks right now (the research for Oxford), but since I began work, I have discovered a bunch of other assignments that I simply must do as well. I've been on "vacation" at a hotel for three days, and I'm heading home today, but I'm truly hoping to get some substantial work done this week, prior to the Thursday afternoon/evening when we take off for Nani's (my beloved mother-in-law).

Here's what I need to get done:

1. Select and order books for English 103: The Critical Essay (film criticism, I think)

2. Send syllabi to Colby Community College (the college lost previous files).

3. Finish the red dress I began in May (for July 4 weekend).

4. Help online student finish incomplete and turn in his grade.

5. Take up straps of swimsuit (too long).

6. Call girlfriends and buy tickets for midnight showing of Twilight film (unless it's too late to get tickets).

But here are the other things I want to get done by July 1:

1. Complete Oxford research and return all overdue books.

2. Revise short play for ten-minute play festival (auditions are July 10).

3. Do another piano lesson with the kids--Wednesday?

4. Exercise a minimum of 1.5 hours per day.

Can I get all this done in four days? No idea. My prediction is that some Oxford books will still be overdue and that I might take some work with me. I'm trying to make weekly goals, though, and not just a full summer goal, so that I can get stuff done in increments. I was actually really efficient last week, stepping up my exercise to about 3 hours/day, as well as getting the house in shape (finally!), starting up my kids' piano lessons again, and fixing half a dozen pieces of clothing that had been in the mending pile for months.

What are your goals this week? If you find my list daunting, don't fret. I'm a bit overly self-driven.

All about Oxford

I am digging into my research today on Edward de Vere, the 17th Earl of Oxford. Most of you have likely not heard of the guy, and I had not until my freshman year of college, oh so many years ago (too many for me to admit). I was in Composition II, and our final assignment was to write a persuasive essay on anything we wished (after writing several on a variety of assigned topics like gun control, capital punishment, abortion, etc.). I couldn't find a topic I really cared about at all, but fortunately my parents watched a lot of public television.

I was watching Frontline on PBS on Sunday evening, the day before our chosen topics had to be turned in, and it's title that week was "The Shakespeare Mystery," and it brought up the idea that William Shakspere of Stratford had not written the plays at all, but instead, as a growing group of people contended, Edward de Vere did. I'll admit I scoffed at first. By the end of the hour, though, I had serious doubts. I researched the topic diligently, and was surprised to find that a huge number of books on the subject were right in my small college's library, ripe for the reading.

And, after much research, I had to admit I had become an Oxfordian, joining such famous people as Kenneth Branagh and Sir John Gielgud. (Shakespearean actors tend to be more open to the idea of Oxford's authorship than Shakespearean scholars--big surprise). I've been fiddling with these ideas ever since, and now that I've found a used copy of Oxford's biography, The Mysterious William Shakespeare, I'm researching everything, constructing timelines, planning out major events, all in hopes of creating a magnificent full-length play.

As most of you know, though, my first drafts tend to stink, so I'll be making a truly mediocre version first, then revising it to death until it's actually worth performing onstage. Wish me luck!