Bore Me

Go ahead

Bore me

Tell me for the eighteenth time

How you and the wife first met

Or what your third grade teacher once called you

When calling you that was okay

Before parents sued

Before teachers were fired for stuff like that

Tell me again where you got your watch

God knows I've needed one to add to my

Already extensive collection

And please tell me how kids should be raised

How tuna is best made into a salad

Why tomatoes aren't as tasty

As they used to be

Go over the chemical composition of

Latex paint

Or the effect of tornadoes

On Wal-Mart's consumers

Or how hair follicles go gray

And when

And why

And the day you first got

Your first gray hair

And what you did with it

Once you'd pulled it out

Go ahead

Blather about it all

With little fear

That I will copy all your wisdom

Down

After all

I wouldn't want my novels

To become famous

For boring people

To death.