Wednesday, March 24, 2010


The bay door closes
The cacophony begins
Two little ones
Tired of sitting on their mothers' laps
Begin the wail of wails.

Mothers hush to no effect
Their voices taking turns with screams and cries
Which echo through the cabin
Curling all the hairs on necks
Of those without Bose headphones
Or hearing aids (turned down).

No use for it
No getting off
We can't just land the plane
And let the babies crawl around a bit
Nor can we get them sleeping
Their ear infection keeps them raging on

Four hours whine by
Grating, setting every nerve on edge
And as we stand to trudge on down the aisle
One passenger lies, "Your baby was so good!"

I fight the urge to flick her in the head.

Dear relatives,
Who want to see your lovely nieces'/nephews'/grandbabies' faces
Who nag and nag by phone to get a visit
Next time you feel the urge to nag
Do all of us a favor
Buy yourself a ticket
Get your own maturer self onto a plane
And go to see the family babies
To spare us all the torture.


  1. We never flew with infants for this reason. Once, my ear clogged on the way down, and it was torture. I can't imagine how an infant would take it.

    Damn relatives.

  2. Awww, I feel your pain through your words and from secondhand experience with my younger siblings

  3. Ouch. I feel for you.

    It's amazing how many people will you pester you to come visit without giving any consideration to hours in car or plane, torture for child and parent.

  4. ha ha ha haha hahahahaahhahahahahahahahahaha The true joys of parenthood at last surface in a dose of real.

    Buy a motor home (I'll sell you mine) and drive the kids there, but make granny and auntie pay for the gas.

  5. I'm just glad they weren't my children. These were other women's burdens, and I was one of the poor fellow flyers, unable to sleep while the children screamed.

    I did take my kids on planes a few times when they were little. Most flights were fabulous. My son, in particular, was a complete flirt, batting his eyelashes at all the ladies and generally smiling at everyone.

    I'm actually astonished by how many parents take kids on a plane without bringing toys and other things on board. Between the two babies, only one toy ever popped up, and that was only in the last 20 minutes of the flight.

    Now, thank God, my kids are old enough to behave themselves. But I'll still bring coloring books and other activities for the trip, if only so I can color them myself!