The Race

[In honor of my husband, who is in a triathlon this morning]

Some come to vie

To see the finish line

To sail past the

Lesser athletes

To win

Finishing second

Means crushing defeat

The medal is all

Others need to feel

They are not alone

To sense the splash of water

The cheers

The breaths

All around

To feel the fingers

Brushing shoulders

Patting backs

See the rows of bikes

Waiting

To hear the laughs as others

Struggle on

To see those both ahead and behind

To be part of the pack

Validated

But happiest are those

In it only for the

Moment

Not the end

Not the others

But the feel of water on their skin

The rush of wind

As they pedal downhill

The ache of use

From their legs

As they run the race

To them, the end is nothing

All is in the now.

Settling In

I am FINALLY writing my first novel. I could say "editing," since this will be version, oh, 18 or so of it. However, I've figured out that the way the first one (of a series) was configured did too much too fast, and Thomas (the main character) has to grow far too fast for one book, so I've reorganized and replanned 5 or 6 novels, changing the first one's major event and moving it to the next to last novel in the series.

Now I am essentially revising pieces of the original, and cutting out all the other stuff and saving it on another file I've actually called "Thomas Novel Pieces." These may or may not end up in future novels, but they won't end up in the first one. I will soon run out of stuff to keep in this novel, and the parts I have to write from scratch will get bigger and bigger. I'm excited, though. I get to use much of the NW geography with these novels, including everything from Cape Flattery, which I posted about here, Mt. Rainier, and even the San Andreas Fault.

The whole series will combine my love for the paranormal with the natural world... and at least I will find it exciting.

While I'm writing, though, I'll continue to post poetry... it's the best I can do while I'm busily working on another project.

The Cave

Sunlight streams in

Hot and humid

I can hear laughter

Outside

But an hour in the sun

Would burn

And I remember how

The sweat

Drips down

My neck

My back

My legs

A giggle echoes

Into the cave

Where I sit

Alone

Waiting

Who can be out there

Braving the danger

Of sunlight?

I listen

The giggle rings through again

Welling up like water

Jingling along

The stone walls

Calling me

It is my own voice

Myself

My little child

Cramped inside

This cave for far too long

I step along the sand to meet it

Outside

In the burning sun.

Spirit

I sought you everywhere

Sliding into sticky pews

Listening for you

The people spoke as if they had you

But I found nothing

Except your echo

Your long-lost footprint

In the golden hymns

I sought you in my love

But in him it took a form

I could not recognize

Judging

Firmer

Full of grand intentions

Not the soft, consenting candle

Lighting the way

Along my darkened path

I sought you in my children

And there I found a little bit of you

Peeking from behind a curtain

At me

A part of you I'd lost years ago

And was too old to gain again

But then I saw the trees

The gray of rain on blackened trunks

The sunlight dipping into dew

On every single blade of grass

And I could feel the dapples of the sun

Within my soul.

Missing You

Tohru Honda smiles from the TV screen

And I think of you

Grinning at the pages of manga with me

Sharing stories and dreams and fantasies

The nights we spent thinking up stupid nursery rhyme versions

Of Fuzzy Wuzzy and Jack be Nimble

I remember them all

Giggling in bed well past bedtime

We don't agree on anything

But never disagree

For our souls connect at the bellybutton

And they always will

No matter the distance

No matter the time between phone calls

No matter the restraints our lives place upon us

The trials, the pain, the sweat, the sadness

I know you are always near

That I can reach you

That you always make sure

I am never alone

Thank you

Saying No

Go ahead and ask me

Tell me you are really pressed

That students need the course

That you will pay me extra

That you will be eternally grateful

If I take that extra class

(Or maybe two?)

Call me

Tell me how you've missed me

Tell me that you need me

That you need a listening ear

A helping hand

A night out

Without your kids

Write me an e-mail

Asking when I'm coming to visit

For the millionth time

And bringing the kids

(Or leaving them at home)

And showing up, with brownies

Plus my warm and happy personality

To brush things over

Between you and your spouse

(Who's always nicer when I'm there)

Tell me you love me

Or at least that you need me

To love you

So that you feel better

About all that you have done wrong in your life

About all the mistakes you've made

Even towards me

Tell me you're sorry

That you'll make it all better in the end

That I'm terrific

But you just need me to be

Terrific

One more time

One more semester

One more day

Week

Month

Year

Forever

Go on

You can do it

Go ahead and ask.

I can take it.

I've learned to say no.

Blessed Silence

The laughter has died down

From the sleepover below

Even cat has found

His favorite napping spot

Only fans--the white noise of Seattle--

Blowing in cool air at end of day

And soft tapping keys

Intrude upon thoughts tonight.

Noise is overrated

Common

Loud

Obnoxious

Funny how so many people

Try to break the blessed silence

With complaints about the weather

Phone calls, questions, repeated words

They do not realize the depth to be found

In the listening

In the waiting

In the nothing.