Feel It

The flow
Ripples through the air
Brushing up against your ankles
Licking at the skin of your fingertips

If you feel panic
It's from the world of nonsense
Plastered over the real rhythms of the universe
If tension yanks at your neck tendons
Don't trust the pull
Listen--feel--for the calm
Surrender to the peace
That comes with surrender

Pick through the stresses
And you'll find the path
Aligned with who you truly are
Waiting

Be you
Walk the path
Feel the flow
And we will meet
One day.

The Camera is On

The tape is running
Twenty-four hours a day
Watching people
Fight
Argue
Cheat and
Lie

It's "reality TV"
They say
But don't these people
See the cameras?
Do they act differently
Because producers are eyeing every move?
Are they worse than they portray?
Is this all an act?

It's easy to forget
Easy to act in ways that, if we were watching,
We would horrify ourselves.
Words we say in anger
Shoves, sneers, insults, gossip
Petty problems we blow up
Into mountains

But we have our own cameras
The eyes of others
Our family
Our children
The mirror
Who do we want to see when we play that tape over?
A beast?
A sponge?
An emotional wreck?

That is the choice:
Live with purpose
Or waffle and whine?
Use time
Or waste it?
Add to the lives of others
Or create only pain?

You may think no one's watching,
But your portrait is created step by step
Your scars formed choice by choice
And the final picture is all your own.

Choose
So that you don't regret.

The Choice

The night

Is softly falling

Behind trees

And under rocks.

Silence retreats

Disappointed

That her older, louder sister

Murmurs upstairs

Getting ready for morning.

Muscles ready

Not for a day of lethargy

But for the whirlwind of activity

Work and play

That hold the hands of sunshine

Green grass

And sound.

You have a choice:

Slink into the shadows

Crawl back into bed

And waste the day

Or tag along with the sun

Skipping through the world

A light

Signaling others

To act.

Life Choices

I've always wondered what I wanted to do when I grew up. Sure, I'm pretty old now, but I keep changing my mind. I've been teaching English for over 17 years now... and it's been great... but my husband brought up a question last night, and I'm truly unsure what to answer.

We are in the process of applying for all sorts of jobs for him--well, the same job in all sorts of places across the country--and while some of the colleges that may hire him would be open to my teaching as well, many will not be. Thus, he will suddenly be very, very official, work long hours, and have a fantastic paycheck to do what he truly loves doing, but I might find it pretty difficult to find any teaching work at all.

He'll ask once he gets the call, but last night he wondered aloud whether I even wanted to teach right now. If money were no object (and it would not be), would I want to teach, or not?

I don't know the answer. I love teaching (though I hate grading), but it also takes up a huge portion of my day. I intended to blog this morning, but because I was reading student rough drafts until mid-afternoon, I am only blogging now. And I still haven't written a word of my current novel revision.

I love the social aspect of teaching--and the students are motivated and happy and excited to be there, at least once they catch my enthusiasm--but the grading is really time consuming (since I teach English).

If I don't teach, I suddenly become the official spouse, using the time to write, clean house, paint, exercise, help my kids with homework, sew, etc. It isn't that I wouldn't be busy... nobody keeps busy like I do. I'd be able to volunteer in so many ways, and maybe, just maybe, I'd get some book published.

But I'd miss teaching. It might take a semester or two to realize it, but I'd long for the classroom... and I'd feel a bit lazy, planning out gourmet dinners for the family, spending time on luxuries I couldn't concentrate on before. Is this the way it's supposed to be? Should I just count myself lucky and take the chance?

What do all of you think? The post has only made me more confused. I know I'll talk to the hubby again, probably tonight, but I know most of you have good judgment. Let me know what you see...

Saying No

Go ahead and ask me

Tell me you are really pressed

That students need the course

That you will pay me extra

That you will be eternally grateful

If I take that extra class

(Or maybe two?)

Call me

Tell me how you've missed me

Tell me that you need me

That you need a listening ear

A helping hand

A night out

Without your kids

Write me an e-mail

Asking when I'm coming to visit

For the millionth time

And bringing the kids

(Or leaving them at home)

And showing up, with brownies

Plus my warm and happy personality

To brush things over

Between you and your spouse

(Who's always nicer when I'm there)

Tell me you love me

Or at least that you need me

To love you

So that you feel better

About all that you have done wrong in your life

About all the mistakes you've made

Even towards me

Tell me you're sorry

That you'll make it all better in the end

That I'm terrific

But you just need me to be

Terrific

One more time

One more semester

One more day

Week

Month

Year

Forever

Go on

You can do it

Go ahead and ask.

I can take it.

I've learned to say no.