Shakespeare, that is the hard part, and one I struggle with often. I want to have a giving, generous heart, to be a vessel of goodness. I believe those who take and hold for themselves are miserable creatures whose unhappiness will be never be satiated. Their examples spur me on to continue giving. I don't want to be miserable like them. However, balance and boundaries are necessary. We cannot give until we are, as Jason said, running on empty. I am learning balance and boundaries are my helpers. This hasn't been an easy lesson for me to learn, for my first inclination is to give. Balance and boundaries are the tools I need to continue being a giver even when someone's greed and unhappiness threatens to spoil the giving. These tools help me to recognize and maintain the right attitude within me, which is utmost for my well being. Thanks for a thought provoking post.
I give to friends and family, and even then I'm careful.
I hate people who want, and think people owe them something… if you work hard, and still need some help, sure I’ll help, but I expect it back. I’m not a charity; I work too hard for what I got.
I agree, Walking Man--giving isn't about receiving, or about thanks. If we give to be appreciated, we'll only be disappointed. But the act of giving--shamelessly, fully, without reserve, that's the reward. No thanks come close to the feeling of giving in the first place.
Jason, yes, sometimes, especially when one's own tank is only fumes, it's hard to give. And there are those who can, in a single phone call, empty one's tank far faster than one can fill it. Scary people, and ones to avoid. Jeff explains that to some degree, and giving to those who need it is far different than giving to those who are too lazy to work for their own salvation.
Nee Nee, giving is different from allowing others to take. When I give of my own volition--not because of guilt or because others pressure me--that is when I feel best. When I am goaded into it, nothing positive comes from it, for I feel resentful that "giving" was an expectation, not something I chose. What you are doing, it appears to me, is keeping the choice as your own, and not letting someone else dictate when and what you must give.
Jeff, the sense of entitlement is one of humanities greatest flaws. I cannot change others' motivations, though. All I can do is monitor myself, to ensure that I do not become one of the entitled, wondering why the world doesn't fall into place to serve me.
The Mother, I have been intentionally not blogging on that, for I haven't wanted to whine. The loan company has played us a bit, and it means we might have to apply with a new bank, which means limbo for 3-4 weeks more. I'll know more soon, but right now the stress is a bit overwhelming. Either way, though, we're still off to Georgia in a few days. I'll keep my fingers crossed that all works itself out, and that I have the patience to wait for things to happen as they should.
Choosing the better part is always harder than allowing yourself be carried along with others. those who do it make a difference in the world. Thanks be!
Sometimes you have to keep on giving no matter what. If that is who you are you have to be true to yourself or you will be more unhappy. Someone who is supposed to love me forgets me on my birthday and on Christmas every year, I have thought to myself I should forget that person...on purpose, but I never do...it's not how I roll...I have to be happy within myself.
This seems awfully dark for you. I'm sorry if you're suffering.
You do good because doing good feels better than the alternative, even if it's done for ungrateful creeps. No one has control over anyone else, just oneself.
Thanks, Karen, Sharon, and Stephanie, for all of your sympathy!
I'm actually not all that bummed... but I sometimes struggle to be upbeat despite all the stuff I see. Mostly, though, I stay upbeat anyway. I cannot change anyone else. I can only do what I know to be right. Worrying about what everyone else is doing (or not doing) will only make me miserable, and I refuse to be miserable.
There are two choices. Give nothing to any one. Give freely and let go without further thought of the thing given. Any other way is madness.
ReplyDeleteSometimes the tank is on empty.
ReplyDeleteShakespeare, that is the hard part, and one I struggle with often. I want to have a giving, generous heart, to be a vessel of goodness. I believe those who take and hold for themselves are miserable creatures whose unhappiness will be never be satiated. Their examples spur me on to continue giving. I don't want to be miserable like them. However, balance and boundaries are necessary. We cannot give until we are, as Jason said, running on empty. I am learning balance and boundaries are my helpers. This hasn't been an easy lesson for me to learn, for my first inclination is to give. Balance and boundaries are the tools I need to continue being a giver even when someone's greed and unhappiness threatens to spoil the giving. These tools help me to recognize and maintain the right attitude within me, which is utmost for my well being. Thanks for a thought provoking post.
ReplyDeleteI gave up a long time ago...
ReplyDeleteI give to friends and family, and even then I'm careful.
I hate people who want, and think people owe them something… if you work hard, and still need some help, sure I’ll help, but I expect it back. I’m not a charity; I work too hard for what I got.
True. Very true.
ReplyDeleteHow is that move going, anyway?
I agree, Walking Man--giving isn't about receiving, or about thanks. If we give to be appreciated, we'll only be disappointed. But the act of giving--shamelessly, fully, without reserve, that's the reward. No thanks come close to the feeling of giving in the first place.
ReplyDeleteJason, yes, sometimes, especially when one's own tank is only fumes, it's hard to give. And there are those who can, in a single phone call, empty one's tank far faster than one can fill it. Scary people, and ones to avoid. Jeff explains that to some degree, and giving to those who need it is far different than giving to those who are too lazy to work for their own salvation.
Nee Nee, giving is different from allowing others to take. When I give of my own volition--not because of guilt or because others pressure me--that is when I feel best. When I am goaded into it, nothing positive comes from it, for I feel resentful that "giving" was an expectation, not something I chose. What you are doing, it appears to me, is keeping the choice as your own, and not letting someone else dictate when and what you must give.
Jeff, the sense of entitlement is one of humanities greatest flaws. I cannot change others' motivations, though. All I can do is monitor myself, to ensure that I do not become one of the entitled, wondering why the world doesn't fall into place to serve me.
The Mother, I have been intentionally not blogging on that, for I haven't wanted to whine. The loan company has played us a bit, and it means we might have to apply with a new bank, which means limbo for 3-4 weeks more. I'll know more soon, but right now the stress is a bit overwhelming. Either way, though, we're still off to Georgia in a few days. I'll keep my fingers crossed that all works itself out, and that I have the patience to wait for things to happen as they should.
Choosing the better part is always harder than allowing yourself be carried along with others. those who do it make a difference in the world. Thanks be!
ReplyDelete(((HUG)))
ReplyDeleteSometimes you have to keep on giving no matter what. If that is who you are you have to be true to yourself or you will be more unhappy. Someone who is supposed to love me forgets me on my birthday and on Christmas every year, I have thought to myself I should forget that person...on purpose, but I never do...it's not how I roll...I have to be happy within myself.
This seems awfully dark for you. I'm sorry if you're suffering.
ReplyDeleteYou do good because doing good feels better than the alternative, even if it's done for ungrateful creeps. No one has control over anyone else, just oneself.
But then, you knew that.
Thanks, Karen, Sharon, and Stephanie, for all of your sympathy!
ReplyDeleteI'm actually not all that bummed... but I sometimes struggle to be upbeat despite all the stuff I see. Mostly, though, I stay upbeat anyway. I cannot change anyone else. I can only do what I know to be right. Worrying about what everyone else is doing (or not doing) will only make me miserable, and I refuse to be miserable.