Cruising

You remember when you could just drive around and enjoy the scenery?

That's how I feel right now--now that I have my syllabi done and all my classes prepped for the semester. I'm looking forward to all of it, too. It's going to be fun, even (except the grading).

I probably shouldn't feel this happy and upbeat. After all, I still have other tasks to do today, like taking down ten boxes worth of holiday decorations, and auditions for Oliver! are looming (why, oh why, do auditions always make me so nervous!)...

But I'm happy.

Who said happiness had anything to do with logic? I believe I'll spend the rest of the day NOT overthinking this... just going with the flow.

I will, however, be thinking about what snippet of a song I want to sing for auditions this evening. My son will be singing "Silent Night" (anything else made him too nervous), and my daughter will be singing, "Castle on a Cloud." I can't say I'm leaning in any direction, and it helps to know that the main female lead in Oliver! has a range too low for me. I just want to be part of the action.

Here's hoping your day is as full of singing as mine will be...

Kinds of Writing

I keep saying I'm not writing... but I'm continuously working on my craft.

It's just not in the way one traditionally deems to be writing. I'm not, for instance, outlining a new novel. I'm not sketching out characters before I go back through a draft, not revising a current WIP so that I can fix verbs, add detail, or tighten the language.

But I'm still working on writing. Here's what I've been doing:

1. Putting together my syllabi for two classes, both of which begin next week. Why is that writing? Because I'm getting other stuff out of the way so that I can make time to write. And that's something lots of writers have to do. Very few of us (i.e., NONE) have the luxury of doing nothing else in the world except write.

2. Reading. Yup, that's definitely preparation. I've been abandoning books a lot lately, too--more than ever before. If I hate something in chapter three, then I drop it. What's the cliche? Beating a dead horse, or something? But I've managed to mix the terrible books in with really good ones, and all of them add to my understanding of what literature should and should not be.

3. Thinking. My books have been drifting through my conscious and subconscious minds. They've popped up in dreams, unbidden, and crept into my early morning thoughts. And that's a good sign. It means I'm truly gearing up to write.

4. Painting/Drawing. Nothing helps my imagination more than drawing out characters (in full costume, for I love costumes, even if I rarely describe what characters are wearing) or painting out scenes. In most of my novels, the setting is crucial to what happens.

5. Researching. I'm actually going on a cruise in February with the hubby, and we planned out where we were going AND what excursions we were taking based on the needs of my Mermaid novel. Really. Isn't it sweet that the hubby's willing to go along with that? I did have to choose a historical tour over a ride on a pirate ship, though, and that stunk, mainly because I could have used both. But books in the library and internet searches are also leading towards answers and plot twists and details I would not have otherwise.

I hope to get to the tactile act of writing very soon. But in the meantime, I can't say I'm not writing. I'm moving in the write direction, even if I can't yet return to my manuscript.

All in good time. When I'm ready, I'll know it. What a beautiful day that will be, too.

Assessment

I used to hate this word. In the academic world, at least to college teachers, it means an examination of what we do to see how effectively (or ineffectively) it furthers a student's learning and development. And it's hard to gauge, complicated, and sometimes makes us a bit defensive. (What do you mean my students knew less at the end of the semester than at the beginning?)

With a short article from Writer's Digest, however, I have realized that it's way past time for a self-assessment of my writing habits. WAY past time. I've known so many writers who have very particular habits--a certain place to write, certain snacks, the best time of the day to write, etc.

My habits have always been pretty specific, too:

1. I write reclined in my wingback chair, laptop on my, well, lap.

2. I tackle a short online game before I start writing, to clear my head.

3. I write only during the day, not in the evening (unless I'm up at 2 a.m.).

4. I sit on my books for months, working on other projects until I finally get back to them.

5. I work on only one project at a time.

6. I put my writing last, after dishes, laundry, cleaning out the cat box, decorating for Christmas, cooking dinner--okay, pretty much everything. (I'm a bit like Cinderella, telling myself I can write IF I get all my work done, and IF I find a suitable dress to wear...)

So, what's wrong with all this, besides the obvious travesty in #6?

It isn't that anything is wrong. But the WD article suggested looking at my habits carefully to see how well they work, honing those I want to keep, and tossing or changing the ones that inhibit my productivity. And since I'm planning on signing up to be a school substitute in January, I have some definite reassessing to do.

Here are the questions I need to ask myself before then:

1. Is reclining the best way to tackle this? What about sitting at my writing desk, or even standing (it's better for circulation, and I've done it a little recently, with good results). Don't my legs start cramping if I write more than an hour at a time? Might another position help me be more productive AND healthier?

2. How much does online gaming get in the way of writing? Should I restrict my games to the fast ones? Doesn't Dragon Mahjong, for instance, sometimes delay me for half an hour, since I want to play until I actually win a game? How much time every day do I waste on this crap?

3. WHY do I only write during the day? So that I can stare at the football my husband is watching? Is television ever worth it, besides Grimm and Once Upon a Time? I already know the answer to this. I find most television mind-numbing or outright irritating... so why not write while the hubby is getting his TV fix? What is it I'm sacrificing my time for?

4. How effective is it to sit on my books for so long? What's the ideal time for stepping back to gain perspective? This one might be the most effective habit for me as it stands, actually. I reread my Death By Chocolate story, attempting to revise it, but it seems as if 1 1/2 months is not enough time for me to gain perspective. I added some detail, yes, but I didn't make the substantial changes to it that are probably needed. Lucy (hopefully) will see the holes and be honest enough to slash through them without mercy. I find that time is absolutely necessary for me, or I end up with three revisions of a work that don't even add up to a good edit. I know most writers are different from me in this, but it doesn't matter. I have to make sure that what I do works best for me.

5. I am too scatter-brained to work on two novels simultaneously, but my gut feeling with this work-on-only-one-project-at-a-time mentality isn't helping me be productive. I so want to finish a project that I slog through it even when it's utter crap, when it might serve me better to switch to something that could work better. Then again, I know two many friends who have five unfinished novels. This one might just have to stay as is. I have to think it through--perhaps try out a new habit or two--and experiment to see what works best.

6. Putting my writing at the bottom of my TO-DO list absolutely must change. Self-sacrifice cuts into my creativity more than everything else, and I need to at least fit in writing a little bit every single day. I've had "rewrite query" on my TO-DO list for two weeks now, and I know that today it won't happen. Will it happen tomorrow? I need to figure out why I believe my writing activity is not worth my time, and I need to find a way to show myself that it isn't a waste, that it deserves my devotion (and I deserve the time to write).

Wow, this entry turned out really long, and it probably bored the snot out of you, but if I can put these questions to myself, I might end up with a more productive 2012 than I would have otherwise... and maybe I'll be on a truer path to establishing my career as a writer.

So, what about all of you? Any habits you have that need a bit of assessment?

Is it Time to Panic?

A few weeks ago, after I'd finished packing up the china cabinet and my husband had packed (most of) the man cave, he looked me in the eye and said, "I think we're almost done. This move isn't going to be hard at all."

And he wasn't joking.

Not to be goaded into a false sense of calm, I answered, "We aren't close, and this is going to be hard."

Guess. Go on, guess who was right. You know the answer. Since I'm the one writing this blog, and the title has the word "panic" in it, you know I'm the one who was right. I would guess we're still only 25% done with the packing, and we still have to say good-bye to all the people here, finish getting all documents ready for closing on our new house, pack the other 75%, scrub down the house from top to bottom, go to every doctor (it seems), enroll the kids in the new school, sell two vehicles, sell a bunch of furniture on Craigslist (I just posted it all yesterday), finish both courses, help the hubby recover from oral surgery this coming Thursday... should I keep going? Really?

So here it is: Panic, panic, PANIC, panic, panic, more panic, PANIC, PANIC, PANIC, panic, PANIC!!!!

And that's it. I'm done. All done panicking. It's a waste of time anyway, panicking is, and it will only get me a heart attack. Besides, it makes breathing difficult and gives me a headache.

Now it's time to get to work. I have a library, playroom, and kitchen to pack, along with other ducks to put in a row. Talk to you later!

Only You

Tell me you are nervous

Tell me you just can't write the way

I want you to

Tell me English

Doesn't fit the way you are

You're too uptight to write

Too scared that what you put on paper

Won't be what I want

Tell me your life has made you

Into a gelatinous mass

Unable to make it through

A tough, tough world

I know better

It isn't the world that holds you back

It isn't my lofty expectations

It isn't that the demands of life are simply too much to bear

The world is not against you

The world wants nothing more than your success

Your enemy is you

But, by all means,

Go on telling yourself you can't do it

Despite all that I might say or do

Call yourself a failure

Say that you can't do it

Over and over and over

Until you believe it

And in the end

You'll be right

And I'll be wrong

But the world

And I

Will be oh so disappointed

For you will have given up

On yourself.

What's Your Motivation?

Sure, my title is an acting question--I remember the times in college, when even actors with no lines had to figure out their motivation as we worked on a play. The truth is, though, we are all motivated differently, and my students show varied kinds of motivations, some of which I share.

Now, I do have a few students who lack motivation. I'll admit that right off. I just don't see these students very often, since they aren't motivated enough to come to class (or even motivated enough to drop the class so that they don't fail it). All the rest of my students are inspired by some form of motivation:

1. Judgment

This particular motivator is people-centered. Either students go to class because they know their mom will wonder why they are at home when class is happening (and they don't want to upset her) or they want to get good grades so the parents (or girlfriend, etc.) are proud (instead of disappointed), or they may even fear what their teacher thinks of them. I was a member of the latter, although I do understand that what a stranger thinks shouldn't really matter. The point is that these people are working hard, not because they really think it's important, but because other people do, and they want to be judged favorably by those people.

2. Competition

I can't say this is a motivating factor for me--the Navajo blood in me is too strong--but it certainly is for my students. Some of them want to know what everybody else's grade is--tests, quizzes, papers, everything. Envy is the name of the game here. These students might not care that much about what grade they receive, as long as it's the best grade I dish out. However, since I dislike this particular tendency, I never tell them anything. (Other students' grades are none of their damn business.)

3. Grade

For these students, the grade is a sign of whether or not they will make it to heaven. An "A" is average for these people (although a "C" is supposed to be the average), and anything less means they failed. Call them overachievers--I know I do--or perfectionists--I call them that, too--but they are also very hard workers, for they aren't competing against other students in class but against the perfection they imagine themselves capable of. The only problem with this motivation is that it causes students unnecessary stress, and it's stress on the GRADE, not on the LEARNING. Which leads to the (next to) last motivation.

4. Desire to Learn

This is my favorite, but it's not that common. Most students are in my classes because they have to be. They need so many English credits to get an associates or earn their certificate in welding, so they enroll because they have to. But the rare student comes in, takes a course, and then returns for another one which he doesn't need, just because the course will teach him something. I knew a class once--taught by an adjunct instructor--that was told three weeks before the end of the class that, to give them a break, the teacher was canceling the last few weeks and dropping the final research project. They walked, en masse, straight out of her classroom and to the Dean's office to report her. They were furious that she had robbed them of three weeks of learning. Such an event is rare, yet I do see small signs of this nearly every day, when students express frustration that they get a good grade in some class yet feel like the course itself didn't cover anything important. One student recently commented on a religion course, saying, "You know, I took the class because I wanted to learn about different religions--because it interested me--and I haven't learned anything. It's a complete waste of time."

Now I'm looking over at my little NaNoWriMo calendar, and I am glad I posted in my sidebar. I was unable to write on the novel until late last night, but seeing a red mark on day three was highly motivating. Is it because that calendar is public, and all of you might see it? Nope. Is it because my mom might check out the page? Nope. Am I competing with another NoWri? Nope. Is there a grade involved? Nope.

My drive comes from another source, one I haven't discussed, but one that drives nearly all of us, except for those rare students who never show up for class. It isn't what others think of us, but what we think of ourselves that matters most. I don't want to see my calendar filled with red marks. I care about what I think. That is my ultimate motivation.

Finding Time

I need some good ideas. Day after day I get all sorts of other work done... but not work on my novel. I manage to get all of my grading done on time, manage to keep the kids clean and off on their errands, manage to (mostly) keep the house acceptable (though it's mostly pit right now), but day after day I don't get to my novel.

I'd work on it now, I'm about to put the kids to bed, but I have more papers to grade.

I don't know what I can use, but give me all of the advice you've got, everything you or people you know do to manage time more efficiently.

I don't ask for advice often, but once in a while I figure out I don't know it all. Any ideas?

How Discouraging!

I spent the weekend reading student rough drafts--the first drafts of my current composition class. All were interesting, and some had real potential as writings, even outside of the course.

What I always find most interesting, though, aren't the drafts themselves, but the responses I get once I've returned them with feedback. So many of you are writers, and even if you are not highly sensitive to criticism yourself, you know at least a few writers who are. You can remind me, if you like, how hard it is to hear that something you've written isn't fantastic, and I'll agree.

When I send my own writing out into the world--whether to another writer or a beta reader--I naturally hope to hear how fantastic it is, that I'm going to be the next J.K. Rowling, that it was a life-changing work, etc. That's not what I hear, though, and I am prepared for that. I have pretty thick skin.

My students, however, do not. Their skin is thin, for many of them have not been writing long, and they may have never shared their writing with others before. First they get feedback from others in class, and then they get my response, covered in blue or purple comments. I don't use a red pen, but that doesn't mean the comments don't hurt.

I could be gentler, letting them get by with more, but that wouldn't serve my students in the long run. That would be akin to telling a friend/writer that his or her novel is ready to be published when I couldn't get through it. I don't tell my students what to write, but my #1 task is to help them write what they want to write in the best possible way. And that means I have to be honest.

My students do have it harder than most writers, though. Writers can choose to show their work to no one. Writers can get belligerent when feedback isn't what they want to hear. Writers can send whatever they want--in whatever stage of development--out to agents and editors, and they can curse these people when all they get in return is rejection slips.

My students have to show their work to me, even if they skip the day for peer response. They are forced to hear the criticism. Even worse, they have to use that criticism to revise and improve their papers. They can't ignore due dates or opt out of essay assignments. My classroom is a dictatorship, and I'm in charge. I'm the only editor, the only agent, the only chance they have.

Sounds pretty hopeless for them, doesn't it? It would be akin to the oppression of the setting for V for Vendetta, except for one thing. Just like real editors and agents in the real publishing world, I want my writers to do well. My feedback is intended to hone their writing, to help them accomplish their writing goals better.

Beta readers do the same, expressing when characters, settings, situations, or even individual lines of dialogue don't work, or don't fit with the rest of the work. In fact, I don't know a single person who has ever read my stuff who didn't intend to help me, even if that person didn't quite get what I was after. Yet I know so many writers who are still too afraid of failure to show their work to anyone.

Don't be afraid. Get the feedback. Welcome it. Yes, it might hurt--and you might feel bruised for quite a while--but your writing will be the better for it. The feedback you get will make all the bruises worth it.

Love to Blog... but Can't

The title says it all. Way too many papers to grade.

I'd love to slip in a poem or something, but it would only be about the papers, and thus the poem would automatically stink.

You'll just have to wait.

Sorry! (Believe me, I'm even more sorry than you are!)

Life Choices

I've always wondered what I wanted to do when I grew up. Sure, I'm pretty old now, but I keep changing my mind. I've been teaching English for over 17 years now... and it's been great... but my husband brought up a question last night, and I'm truly unsure what to answer.

We are in the process of applying for all sorts of jobs for him--well, the same job in all sorts of places across the country--and while some of the colleges that may hire him would be open to my teaching as well, many will not be. Thus, he will suddenly be very, very official, work long hours, and have a fantastic paycheck to do what he truly loves doing, but I might find it pretty difficult to find any teaching work at all.

He'll ask once he gets the call, but last night he wondered aloud whether I even wanted to teach right now. If money were no object (and it would not be), would I want to teach, or not?

I don't know the answer. I love teaching (though I hate grading), but it also takes up a huge portion of my day. I intended to blog this morning, but because I was reading student rough drafts until mid-afternoon, I am only blogging now. And I still haven't written a word of my current novel revision.

I love the social aspect of teaching--and the students are motivated and happy and excited to be there, at least once they catch my enthusiasm--but the grading is really time consuming (since I teach English).

If I don't teach, I suddenly become the official spouse, using the time to write, clean house, paint, exercise, help my kids with homework, sew, etc. It isn't that I wouldn't be busy... nobody keeps busy like I do. I'd be able to volunteer in so many ways, and maybe, just maybe, I'd get some book published.

But I'd miss teaching. It might take a semester or two to realize it, but I'd long for the classroom... and I'd feel a bit lazy, planning out gourmet dinners for the family, spending time on luxuries I couldn't concentrate on before. Is this the way it's supposed to be? Should I just count myself lucky and take the chance?

What do all of you think? The post has only made me more confused. I know I'll talk to the hubby again, probably tonight, but I know most of you have good judgment. Let me know what you see...

Blessed Overachievers

School began Monday, and I am already receiving e-mails and calls from students. Yesterday I had this exchange, by telephone:

Student: Hi, Dr. C. I already e-mailed you, but I wanted to cover all my bases, so I'm calling you, too.

Me: Okay.

Student: I ordered my book a while ago, and it was supposed to arrive today, but it didn't. And we have reading due tomorrow. Is there any way I can borrow a book so that I can complete the reading by class time?

Me: Oh, I wouldn't worry about it. I still have students on the waitlist, and I can't let them in until tomorrow, so they won't have texts yet. I won't be giving a quiz on the reading until next week.

Student: (Silence.)

Me: Okay? Does that help? Don't worry about it. Okay?

Student: Yes, but, you see, I'm an overachiever.

And there is the word, that glorious, happy, fantastic word. If you are not an educator, you cannot understand how much beautiful music this word creates inside me, warming me from my toes to the top of my head. I love all of my students--no, I really do, I'm not joking--but I have an especially soft place in my heart for the overachieving ones. Yes, they call me and e-mail me a lot. They turn in rough drafts (sometimes four of them for a single essay), and that may make them a bit more high maintenance. But they are truly fabulous, and, of course, now I'm going to tell you why.

Reason #1: They don't rest on their talents. If anything, they underestimate how skilled they already are, fearing they are going to fail if they don't work extra hard. Any advice or comment they receive they feel grateful for, take to heart, and strive to work on. And this is such a contrast to those who have talent, but don't use it (so disheartening).

Reason #2: They don't see their learning as my responsibility. If they aren't getting something, they already know it's their job to either figure it out or ask for help. I don't even have to meet these students halfway, for they are working diligently from the first moment they step in class.

Reason #3: They are active learners. They do all their homework, participate in all discussions, and do everything I ask (and often more). And they demand to be taught. Nothing makes them more upset than feeling like they are taking a class and getting nothing out of it. Yes, they want a good grade, but they want that grade to mean something.

Reason #4: Their enthusiasm is contagious. If I have one overachiever in class, by the end of the course I have at least eight, for their resolve and work ethic rubs off on other students. They make me enthusiastic, too, and I start getting bummed when I have a weekend, for it means I won't see them for a few days. Teaching for me is invigorating, and a good class makes it even more so.

So, this morning, I lift my coffee cup to all of those overachievers out there. Here's to you, and may you be an overachiever for the rest of your life!

A Relaxing Beginning

My class starts in about half an hour. I should be nervous. Or at least keyed up or something.

But I'm just sitting here, my stress level at about a two (on a ten-point scale)... nothing to do until class begins...

Why? Several reasons:

1. Preparation. That's all it is. I'd finished my syllabi two weeks ago, sent them off to be copied, and found the neat piles this morning, ready to hand out. All the assignments, readings, due dates, and other elements are organized. Nothing to figure out. Everything is just ready to run, like a well-oiled machine, and I'm looking forward to the adventure, the new students, and pretty much everything (except the grading).

2. Saying no. I turned down a total of four more classes this term, so while I'm surrounded by teachers running around trying to teach 5 or 6 courses, I'm just floating with two (three is full time, and I don't want to teach full time unless I get paid full time). Last fall at this time I was halfway through two courses by now, and I took on four more, finishing them all before December. No, I didn't end up strangling myself before it was over, but I nearly ended up in an asylum.

3. Doing things I love. Yes, instead of thinking about school starting yesterday, I painted. And when I get home this afternoon, I'll be working more on my novel. And playing piano. And reading. Anything I can do to make sure I enjoy the day as well as work through it.

I hope you are as relaxed as I. I hope that knot right below your shoulder blade eases itself out, and you can just chill with a lemonade this afternoon. That's what I intend to do.

Now That's Progress!

Funny how just listing out a bunch of things online makes me work harder. Here is the list from yesterday, and the items in BOLD are those I have already FINISHED.

1. Select and order books for English 103: The Critical Essay (film criticism, I think)

2. Send syllabi to Colby Community College (the college lost previous files).

3. Finish the red dress I began in May (for July 4 weekend).

4. Help online student finish incomplete and turn in his grade.

5. Take up straps of swimsuit (too long).

6. Call girlfriends and buy tickets for midnight showing of Twilight film (unless it's too late to get tickets).

No, I'm not kidding. I pored through textbooks today, found the perfect one, and I've even ordered an instructor's copy. I am also likely two days away from the student's completion of the course.

Now all I need to do is sew. Yippee!

Oh, but wait a second. I had a second list. I have managed to work some on Oxford research, but it's going slowly. I fear the books will be overdue again very soon, but I'll just keep working on them.

On the bright side, my goal was to work out 1.5 hours/day minimum. Yesterday I managed 2.25 hours. And today I worked out for FOUR HOURS!!! Yes, that's right. I am a goddess!

Tomorrow? Cardio Kickboxing, more Oxford research, a bit of kid-tickling... Sky's the limit, as long as I can work in a nap in the afternoon. Otherwise I won't be able to stay up for the midnight showing of Twilight: Eclipse.

Got to Get Going!

Just about a week ago, I posted a list of things I need to get done. I am working on one of the bigger tasks right now (the research for Oxford), but since I began work, I have discovered a bunch of other assignments that I simply must do as well. I've been on "vacation" at a hotel for three days, and I'm heading home today, but I'm truly hoping to get some substantial work done this week, prior to the Thursday afternoon/evening when we take off for Nani's (my beloved mother-in-law).

Here's what I need to get done:

1. Select and order books for English 103: The Critical Essay (film criticism, I think)

2. Send syllabi to Colby Community College (the college lost previous files).

3. Finish the red dress I began in May (for July 4 weekend).

4. Help online student finish incomplete and turn in his grade.

5. Take up straps of swimsuit (too long).

6. Call girlfriends and buy tickets for midnight showing of Twilight film (unless it's too late to get tickets).

But here are the other things I want to get done by July 1:

1. Complete Oxford research and return all overdue books.

2. Revise short play for ten-minute play festival (auditions are July 10).

3. Do another piano lesson with the kids--Wednesday?

4. Exercise a minimum of 1.5 hours per day.

Can I get all this done in four days? No idea. My prediction is that some Oxford books will still be overdue and that I might take some work with me. I'm trying to make weekly goals, though, and not just a full summer goal, so that I can get stuff done in increments. I was actually really efficient last week, stepping up my exercise to about 3 hours/day, as well as getting the house in shape (finally!), starting up my kids' piano lessons again, and fixing half a dozen pieces of clothing that had been in the mending pile for months.

What are your goals this week? If you find my list daunting, don't fret. I'm a bit overly self-driven.

Grading Does NOT Equal Writing

I am SO sorry I haven't posted in more than a week. Many of you have probably noticed my absence on your own blogs, as well.

Unfortunately, my blog is several items down on my priority list:

1. Getting my kids to/from school (with clothes on, showered, fed, etc.)

2. Grading papers

3. Preparing for class (writing out assignments, rereading, writing quizzes/tests, online discussion)

4. Eating regularly

5. Sleep

6. Cleaning the house to the non-pit level

7. Exercising

8. Writing

Lately, #2 and #3 have taken most of my time. In fact, I've jumped you up momentarily, but in just a few moments I need to finish grading--four more papers to go before classes this morning--so even this entry has to be short. It typically try to return papers the very next day, but always within the week, even if I have several batches of them.

Even worse, writing on this blog is not my first writing priority. I have a staged reading coming up a week from Sunday, and my full-length play needs a few rewrites, which I'm sure the director wants yesterday. I hope to get to these tonight, since this will be the first day in quite some time I do not have 3+ hours of grading to do.

Sorry if I sound like I'm complaining, readers. In reality, I only write this now to explain why--and to let you know (in case you were wondering) that I had not died.

I have not died.

I will be back in full force, I promise, when classes end in June. Until then, I will post as much as I am able, and I will check your blogs with every spare moment I have.

Too bad I don't have more spare moments.

Just Say No

I can't do it.

I hear that phrase everywhere--and though I could certainly turn down somebody offering me drugs, I can't seem to say no to students.

They poured into my classes this semester, too, hoping desperately to get any free chairs in my classroom. I had 15 waitlisted in one class, eight in the other. I'd prepared myself, steeled myself against the onslaught. I'd told myself that I'd had two very hard terms already, and spring needed to be easier or I was going to go insane. I had to just tell them all no, tell them all to wait until fall and try to take one of these classes.

Did I tell you they were desperate? Don't believe me? Think I'm just a softy?

Well, I am, and I don't deny it. But never in my 17 years of teaching have I encountered such desperation. Students cried, in person and on the phone. One student offered to pay me per class session if he could just be let in. Another got on one knee and pleaded with me.

I do not joke. I do not exaggerate. And I couldn't say no. So now I have 5 over the class limit in one course, and six over the class limit in the other. I am going to be swamped, but I can't help it. How can I turn down somebody who wants to be in my class? I know the truth, too, that these students who got in will try so hard, will attack the class with as much energy as they pled to get in. My classes will rock with energy, and these students, though adding to my work load, will make the semester spectacular.

I just hope I don't drown under all the papers to come. Why, oh why did I not become an art instructor?

Light is Coming

Two more items to grade for class, both due today, and I will be finished... so happy, I can hardly express it. My students will no doubt find their blood pressure lowers as soon as they have turned in the assignments. They will return home to study for Chemistry or Calculus, and I will tuck myself into the desk chair with some cheese and crackers and get to grading.

Funny to think about the end of term like this. My profession suits me, for it offers me an ending every few months, a moment of change, a chance to do things better. Classes end, and I can choose new textbooks, moved due dates, and modify how I work through an upcoming class.

New students will enter the class next term, if only because those students who do not earn a C or above will not be able to get into my courses to retake them (since mine are filled and have huge waitlists). I love meeting new students, and I love how a class changes because the student body changes. I also love seeing students again, but in a new setting, with different tasks set for them.

Change is probably one of the greatest blessings of my life. I love changing my furniture around (and have since I was very young). I love moving to new places. I love meeting new people. I love the adventure of trying new teaching methods, mixing things up, reading new books. I love the changes my children undergo on a daily basis, the growth my students manage in a single semester.

I love that I'm forty now. It's a nice change, and it seems to whisper that more change is coming.

I can't wait.

Bogged Down

Sorry, everyone, but I am swamped with papers at the moment. I probably won't be able to blog until Thursday, for grading (and teaching) takes precedence...

See you soon, I hope!

The Rain

Rain drips along the house, calling

I sit in the dark, trying to ignore

The softened reminder

Of the world outside

Papers clog my brain

Students' hopes

Future grades

Present scores

And the rain drips on, singing like a child

I turn back to the world of dry

Arid thoughts

Analyzing red pens

Instructions, advice

And the rain murmurs to me from the darkness

Inside is dry and safe

And warm

A world of known, of comfort, blankets

Safe and soft

Yet I long to step outside

Into the deep of morning

For the cold splash of rain

To wake me from this sleep.

The Comfort Zone of Learning

I've been working outside my comfort zone lately. My research writing classes are focusing on several different mythic systems, and while I started with Greek myth (a system I've had several classes in and have loved since I was very little), the class has now moved into Native American myth (a far more diverse system, since it covers millions of square acres of geography alone), will soon move into African folk myth (ditto), and finally Chinese myth (ditto).

With each one, I need to find a balance. Believe it or not, very few of my students have studied a single story from Greek myth (most were stunned to find out that Disney's Hercules had little resemblance to the original story, since that was their only previous encounter with Greek myth), and while more of them have experience with some Native American stories (since we live in the Northwest), virtually none have read any stories from Africa or China.

And I find myself researching each system to the nth degree, reading reams of books on geography, typical community values, beliefs, monetary systems, and other associated elements, but I don't want to overload the students with too much information so that they end up drowning in it instead of digesting any of it. I also don't want to stereotype cultural assumptions, especially since different tribal and geographical communities had different ideals and accepted precepts.

At the same time, an understanding of major belief or cultural systems is necessary for deciphering some of the tales. In fact, the stories themselves serve as good examples for illustrating some major ideas. For instance, several stories in our Chinese myth text explain and contrast Confucianism with Taoism, allowing students to see both major tenets of each belief system and how the two philosophies compare and in some ways argue with each other. I only have a few weeks to let students explore all of this, however, so I have to balance dealing with the stories fully and giving background so that students can see each story's cultural significance.

Perhaps, at this point, my goal should be meaningful exposure. Let the students read, research, and find what they can, while (hopefully) encouraging them to continue their reading once class is over. I find, with each set, though, that I wish I could spend the whole semester on it. I love each one, for different reasons, and I am always sorry when a particular section must come to an end.

I only hope this dabbling into myth inspires students to examine their own mythic system, examining it for its sources and influences... and even assumptions. That might be the most meaningful exploration of all.