Keys to Happiness

I've been a very busy girl.

I'm sure you've already guessed this (especially since I haven't posted since October 5!). You probably thought I'd dropped off the face of the planet, but, no, it's pretty much the opposite. I've been so busy that by the time I get home at the end of the day, I'm too tired to think or do anything productive.

While I can't say I love everything I'm doing each day, I have to admit I love almost all of it. Most of all, what I'm doing makes me very happy. I'm as happy as I've been in years, and I'm likely to stay that way for quite a while. Then again, even during my not-so-happy stages, I've still found I'm happier than most people.

I'm not going to give advice about how YOU can be happy. I honestly have no idea what makes you happy. Many people are unhappy for years and don't even know it. Others have made it a point to be unhappy. Some choose the angst-ridden poet, or the angry misanthrope, or the grumbling hermit. And that gives them kicks, so I'll let them go on with that. Some have a good reason to be unhappy, but they play it to the hilt, ignoring all the things that might help lift their mood a little. If that is the case with you, and you do all you can to resist happiness, go now and read someone else's blog.

When I am drifting towards unhappiness, it's usually because I've forgotten one of these habits:

[Note: Remember, I said this stuff worked for me. If it doesn't work for you, well, that's not my fault. Make your own damn list. That's what the comments are for, after all.]

1. Live in the moment. Who cares what you're planning for dinner tomorrow? That's tomorrow. So what if somebody said something snide to you yesterday? That's yesterday. Only live somewhere else if you're in a boring meeting--or if you're grading papers. Better yet, live in that moment, and actively work to make the bad task take less time, or make it more fun. Put on tango music when you're sweeping the house. Sing while you do the dishes. Plan your halloween costume out while you help your kids with their homework. I listen to Baroque music while I grade -- I find it goes much faster.

2. Do something selfish. That doesn't mean steal candy from the kids, or eat all the dinner yourself. It means take some time each day to do something you TRULY want to do. Yesterday I worked all day on editing, and while I do love editing, I don't love it as much as painting. So this afternoon I'm painting. I even have it on my list: 1-4 p.m.: PAINT. If you love reading, but don't have time for it, check out a CD book at the library, and listen to it on your commute. Make the kids go watch cartoons while you have your morning coffee. Take a nap. Take a day off.

3. Do something unselfish. When I especially need to feel better, I do something to help somebody else. And I don't expect a thank-you card for it. That's just stupid. Yes, it's polite to send thank-you cards, but most people don't, and if you're only doing it for the thank-you, your motives are selfish. Give a gift to somebody for no reason. Help serve meals to the homeless. Serve your family a lovely dinner, complete with candle light. Clean up the kids' rooms while they're at school. Volunteer at the library. But don't do anything that makes you resentful, or makes you think everybody in the world except you is lazy. You're not better than everybody else. Volunteering is a way for you to show that, to show that you love people and are willing to help them, not a way for you to feel superior.

4. Get your work DONE. This is absolutely necessary to my happiness. I can paint all I want, but if the laundry is stacked up and nobody has any clean underwear for Monday, I ain't gonna be happy. And doing a load of undies isn't going to solve that, either. If it seems like a pain, set it up in steps. Sort the laundry the night before, so it's ready for the morning. Then just attack it one load at a time. And be sure and mark off the task with a big, thick cross-out when you're done. I'm always amazed at how much better I feel when I can cross stuff off my list. Just remember to put fun stuff on your list, too. That's the best chance you'll have to make it a part of your day, too, along with the have-to's.

That's my list. Now I'm off to start laundry. Got anything to add?

Built In Worker Bees

I know a few blog posts ago, I discussed hiring a maid. And who would blame me? I've got eight classes lined up for fall (two already begun, six to go), and I am soon to be swamped in papers. 

But how much would a maid cost? $50 a week? Depends on what I want the maid to do... clean the bathrooms, sweep and wash floors, do laundry (that's what the hubby suggested, probably because he feels guilty for never doing it himself--then again, the idea of someone else washing my panties, well... that's just not a very comfortable thought for me)? No matter what I want her to do, that's a lot of time. We're probably talking more than $50 a week. So, for a little over $200 a month, I'll have clean floors, clean bathrooms, and clean clothes. 

I, cheapy person extraordinaire, have thought of a way to save. No, that's unfair. My best friend up here in Seattle showed me the way with her own system. Inspired, today I made a list of chores, from sweeping the floor to vacuuming rugs, and put prices to them. Okay, most of the tasks, from unloading the dishwasher to cleaning up the living room, were 25 cents a piece, but I did up the reward for cleaning all three bathrooms (to $1). 

I read the list to my kids. And what happened? My son went straight for the dishwasher, and while he couldn't reach all the cupboards, he still saved me about five minutes. And my beloved daughter cleaned all three bathrooms (yes, I had to show her how, but that's the cleanest those toilets have been in months--and I'm pretty anal about it). 

Will the steam under them continue? It might, especially when they get their pay at the end of the month. And in the meantime, they're learning responsibility, they are learning how important they are to the running of the household, and they are learning to serve. 

And I'm learning to let things go a little, to be done by smaller hands than mine. 

I still don't think I'll let them handle the panties, though. At least not for a while.

Living in La-La Land

I was sharing my cat story this morning, only to find out from a veterinarian's assistant that my cat cannot possibly catch anything from me--that my blog story telling you about my cat catching the flu was absolutely false, that I was "living in La-La Land," as she put it. 

And that made me wonder: Was I truly living in La-La Land? Was my whole world a fantasy, where everyone wears period clothing, magic is totally real if only one believes deeply enough, spirits and angels exist, and I really am destined for amazing things?

You see, I think that's the whole problem. The world I've been living in for some months now isn't fantasy at all. It's a world where kids say nasty things to each other when they think I'm not listening, where everyone fights over everything, where a flu bug keeps me from being normally active, where clothing doesn't quite fit, where dishes keep piling up and trash starts to stink, even where the outside temperatures reach 90 and I don't have any air conditioning. It's a place where everyone eats too much, including my 8-year-old daughter, where I mostly feel bored, where I have a huge cable package and nothing good to watch, where life is mostly lame and uneventful, or if something does happen it's something that I don't want to happen.

THAT, my friends, is not La-La Land. It's Craptacularville, and I detest it, but for the most part it's the world I live in. And that's why I've been cranky for so long. That's why I haven't been writing, why I haven't bothered to send books off to publishers, why I haven't done all sorts of things I wish I'd done. 

But today, and forever, I'm choosing fantasy. Screw the world where kids are mean and only think poop jokes are funny. Screw the world where food doesn't taste that good (unless it's a thickly layered carrot cake) and where the most fun I get in a day is doing dishes. I'm going back to magic world--to my favorite La-La Land--and I'm going to spread magic around, do the things I most love, tickle my kids into a better frame of mind, play in magic sprinkler outside to cool down, and have an absolute blast. 

Screw reality. I've got some fantasy to live out... and so do you. 

I'll share my stories with you, if you'll share yours...

Floundering

Oh, I hate it when people ask me how my writing is going lately. Frankly, it isn't, and though I'd planned to do nothing today except laundry and writing, I am now sick with a cold, tired out to the extreme, and I know I am unlikely to write today (except for this blog, and I am forcing myself to write it at this point). 

My online training is fascinating, but it still isn't writing, and now I'm using it as an excuse not to write (in lieu of housework)... I suppose my question is, why on earth am I putting off writing? I have always loved writing. It's always been something that motivated me to bounce out of my bed in the morning (even at three in the morning, sometimes), something that I couldn't wait to do, something that urged me to hurry through the clothes folding, the dishes, and even do so with a smile on my face, knowing once the chores are done I get to work on what I really love.

So, why don't I love it right now? What's wrong? Why do I put it off?

What do all of you think? Today would be a great day to write, since I just want to snuggle up in a blanket and work on the computer... what might I do to motivate myself to get going? I've put off writing long enough.