Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Still Not Writing

I'm sorting through some personal stuff right now--filling my life with Zumba in hopes of finding myself happily satisfied with my own psyche, goals, body, etc.

I am also doing research--of the Oxford kind--to finish with a final library book so that I can return it several weeks after it has been due (yikes!)... once the research is done, will I actually work on my novel? No idea.

It's disheartening. I clean out the refrigerator to avoid writing. I Febreze the whole house. I weed. I cut out and sew a new dress (I'm on #3 in just a few weeks). I check my e-mail for the seventh time in a day (no new mail). I do everything I possibly can to avoid writing.

If I knew why I was avoiding it, I'd take steps to stop myself. I just don't know. So many negative voices are drifting around in my head--not just about writing, but about every aspect of my life--and though writing sounds fantastic, when I sit down to do it, I suddenly would rather polish the wood floors.

I hope this ends soon. It's not like me, and I only have two months before my teaching starts up again. I'd like to have something to show for it.


  1. Try reading. I often read when I'm struggling (which is why I'm not writing gangbusters right now either - caught by series of books). I read a novel by an author you don't generally read, but there was a character in there that reminded me of you mightily. I was particularly impressed because she ended up really finding her strength, the kind she didn't even know she had.

    Three Fates by Nora Roberts

  2. I always figure that these times when you are doing mindless activities are formative. As in, formulating all those ideas that are percolating in the back of your brain. Therefore, not wasted.

  3. I agree with the Mother, by the way.

  4. It is desperate when you would rather clean out the fridge than write!

    Have you ever thought about calling the library on the day your books are due to ask them to extend your "rental"? I do it all the time. Of course, I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else so they know I have MS and might not feel like getting out of the house on a particular day. You should try it. They might do it.

    Listen to The Mother, though. You're probably getting more accomplished than you think and it will all come out in a furious burst of writing. ;-)

  5. Oooh sister… you know what I have been though, so I feel your pain.

    I discover why I was avoiding writing, so let me share my thoughts and maybe it might help who knows. You have helped me so much I hope to repay you anyway I can.

    I’ll boil it down to one descriptive word then elaborate on the major problem.
    Self-doubt, fear, indecision, pressure… tons of self induced pressure—to be more than I am and to be who I want to be.

    Now the main reason I avoided writing was that I loved the story, idea, characters so much I could handle not doing it justice, and I felt I wasn’t—not even close. Furthermore, I lost sight of the reason I write… FUN…FUN…FUN… let’s say it together FUN. You enjoy it, you need it, and you dream it. So let go of fear and the huge weight of expectations and write, let it go, become your story and find yourself in it, be more than you think you can…

    It all starts with happiness and joy to write. The second you let the world pull you down with expatiations the more you will analyze your writing and lose the desire to create it.
    Well, kind of went on one there, but it has been proven true to me, I hope some of it rings true to you.

    Let your mind and stress go, write to set yourself free… god bless, and best of luck.

  6. Sometimes you've just got to take a rest and there's nothing you can do about it. It'll come back, I promise!

  7. bdd44m5@gmail I'd like to take this private.