But then the day happened, and when the sun had set, and I looked back on it, I hadn't written anything except my blog. That made me wonder. If I had a gift but never used it, would it be taken from me? I imagined God, looking down at me, at my wasted day, filled with nothing but chores. He looked back over the last month, where I'd accomplished pretty much nothing of note at all... and he decided he'd had enough.
"Cheryl," he intoned down to me, his voice resonating, "you've been a bad little girl."
"Yes, God." (What was I supposed to do, deny it? He was right.)
"Since you can't seem to make any time to write, I've decided to take your talent from you."
"No, please," I'd beg. "I don't paint much, either, but when it do it turns out pretty good still."
God thinks that one over. "Maybe I should take that one away, too."
"Please, no!" I whine. "All I'll have is my piano and my sewing."
"But you haven't done enough with those either. Or that theatre thing you do."
"But--"
"Now, no arguing. You know you don't deserve any of it."
And I don't. I don't have a comeback for that one. I just rub my toe into the dirt, dejected.
"Okay, now, don't cry," God says. "I'll let you have them a while longer. But do something with them, okay?" Sounds just like me begging my son to behave for once at preschool. Does God know he's likely to reap the same level of effort from me as I do from my son? Surely, if he is real, God knows this already.
I nod, hoping I can make the next few years different from the last few. I hope I can write more, write every day, write stuff that's really worthwhile, ignore the online games, get the chores done faster so that I have more time for what's really important, and not fritter away what little time I have on useless, stupid things.
I hope, I hope, I hope. Will I change, though? Only time will tell. If you have any advice for how I can do this better, I'd love to hear it.
seems to me you are your own worst critic and maybe need to relax and enjoy your talents a bit more - do stuff for FUN
ReplyDeleteI'm with flit. If you have fun, you're doing what you should with your gifts. If you make it an obligation, just another job to do, you'll miss the point.
ReplyDeleteYes... that's the easy answer... but aimlessness simply doesn't suit me.
ReplyDeleteI'm doing better today, though. Much has put me back on track (though I am still not writing!!! Grrrrr!).
I have a few spare hours, though, so I think I'll spend it researching newspapers. That shouldn't be too hard, I hope.
I don't think that talent ever goes away. You couldn't destroy it even if you tried, much less by ignoring it for a while.
ReplyDeleteI also don't think it's necessary to write every single day (or even every single month or every single year) of your life. Think of writers like Harper Lee, who wrote only one book -- To Kill a Mockingbird -- in her entire whole life. But what a book! Is there anyone who would say she isn't a real writer, or that she doesn't deserve her talent?
I just finished reading Stephen King's book "On Writing," and he's a big believer in enjoying yourself while you write, and thinks that it shows in the writing itself. That doesn't work for everyone -- for some people, writing really is sweating bullets. But I find that if I push myself when I REALLY don't feel like it, it's not worth it, I'm not going to be able to write anything work keeping. A little nudge, though ... that's a different thing.
Oops -- "anything work keeping" should have been "anything worth keeping."
ReplyDeleteMs. Terri, I certainly don't expect you to make perfect comments every time, even if I am an English teacher... I appreciate your comments, too, for they remind me to be more patient with myself. Honestly, though I do tend to write pretty often, I never feel as if I'm pulling nails out to get something on a page. If I were to to try to write at this moment, though, I probably would feel this way. Perhaps that is why I haven't been writing.
ReplyDeleteI have been doing other stuff, though. I have just enough different activities to interest me, in case I don't want to do several of them, so that I can keep away from boredom.
Oh, I always correct my comments if I notice a typo/brain glitch that I think might be confusing. I think I'm obsessive-compulsive-ish. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI used to write fiction, btw, a long time ago, and now I don't, so my comment was probably directed as much at myself as at anyone else.
Everyone has a bit of OCD in them. Some show it in their homes (not me), but most of us have little ways of letting it creep in. Mine is my list book, which I fill out religiously, cross out as I go through the day, and create anew at the end of the day, planning for the next.
ReplyDeleteWhen I think about it, it bothers me, but mostly it lets me get a LOT of stuff done.
I appreciate your correction. It shows you put a lot of thought into what you write, that you take it seriously.